my wife ran off with a policeman

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A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, … then 155, … Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before, why you were speeding… I’ll let you go.”

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!!

The Cop left saying, ” Have a good day, Sir “…

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THE SECRET Of a Good Husband

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Once I asked my friend, “What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?”

He said “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

I asked “Can you explain?”

He said “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

Still not convinced, i asked him “Give me some examples”.

He said “Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit the super market, when & where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy. Monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it ”

I asked “Then, what is your role?”

He said “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether telangana should be formed or not, whether Dhoni should retire from Cricket , Whom should Salman Khan Marry. etc etc. and do you know, my wife; NEVER, objects to any of these decisions”…
😜😝😂😂👌

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एक लाइन में वो जो बीवी से डरते हैं और दूसरी लाइन में वो जो बीवी से नहीं डरते..

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एक बादशाह ने ऐलान करवाया कि तमाम शादी शुदा मर्द 2 लाइन में खड़े होंगे..
एक लाइन में वो जो बीवी से डरते हैं और दूसरी लाइन में वो जो बीवी से नहीं डरते..

बीवी से डरने वालों की लाइन लंबी थी, जबकिबीवी से ना डरने वालों की लाइन में सिर्फ़ एक ही आदमी खड़ा था!

बादशाह उस आदमी के पास गया और उसको शाबाशी देते हुए बोला, आप ये कैसे समझते हैं कि  आप अपनी बीवी से नहीं डरते??

आदमी ने जवाब दिया, मालूम नहीं जी, मुझे तो मेरी बीवी कह कर गयी है कि
“इसी लाइन में खड़े रहना, बिल्कुल हिलना मत!”😤😤😤

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Ambulance service (AS) ? It’s urgent please.

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Woman – Ambulance service (AS) ? It’s urgent please.

A.S – What happened, Madam?

Woman – Coffee fell on my saree while drinking.

A.S – Are you really looking for an ambulance for this madam?

Woman – Actually my husband laughed at me.

Got it Madam, ‘ll be there in two minutes.
😂😂😂😂😂😂

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How did u die?

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THE DISCUSSION BETWEEN TWO GHOSTS _ _______,
Ghost 1: Hey
Ghost 2: Hey
Ghost 1: How did you die??
Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in a refrigerator. At first, i was chilling, then, i started freezing, and then, i couldn’t breathe again… i died of suffocation.
Ghost 1: Wow…. what a sad way to die.
Ghost 2: Yeah. How did u die?
Ghost 1: I died of heart attack.
Ghost 2: What happened?
Ghost 1: My wife cheated on me. i came back home and saw a man’s pair of shoes. then, i rushed to the bedroom and met only my wife there. . i knew there was a man in the house coz my neighbor told me. and the man was still in the house as my wife was scared. so, i started running and searching the whole house. i searched in the kid’s room, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, wardrobe and dinning. i couldn’t find him and i was very tired of running, so i got a heart attack.
Ghost 2: IDIOT!!!! If u would have checked the refrigerator we would both be alive now!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂

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मैं कैसे अपने अंदर झाँकूँ

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गुरू जी , मुझे बताईए मैं कैसे अपने अंदर झाँकूँ ? कैसे अपनी कमियाँ ढूँढूँ ?
.
.
.
वत्स बहुत आसान है , शादी कर लो। तुम्हारी पत्नी न केवल तुम्हारी, बल्कि तुम्हारे पूरे ख़ानदान की कमियाँ इतनी बार गिनवाएगी कि तुम्हें अच्छे से याद हो जाएँगी ।

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बीवी का दिमाग:

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बीवी गांव वाली हो या पढ़ी-लिखी, सभी औरतों का दिमाग ऊपर वाला एक ही फैक्टरी में बनाता है !!!!
😝😝
आप उस दिमाग को जानना चाहते हैं ना..

➡चावल में पानी ज्यादा हुआ तो…
💁 – “चावल नया था,”

➡रोटियाँ कड़क हो गई तो…
💁- “कमबख्त ने अच्छा आटा पीस कर ही नहीं दिया,”

➡चाय ज्यादा मीठी हो गयी…
💁 – “शक्कर ही मोटी थी”

चाय पतली हो गयी तो …
💁 “दूध में पानी ज्यादा था,”

➡शादी या किसी Function में जाते समय…
💁 -“कौन सी साड़ी पहनूं..?”
“मेरे पास अच्छी साड़ी ही नहीं है !”

➡घर पर जल्दी आ गए तो…
💁 -“आज जल्दी कैसे आ गए ?”

➡लेट हो गए तो….
💁 – “इतने वक़्त तक कहाँ थे ?”

➡कोई चीज सस्ती मिल जाए तो…
💁 – “तुमको सभी फंसा देते हैं” …

➡महंगी लाई तो…
💁 -“तुमको किसने कहा था लाने को ?”

➡खाने की तारीफ़ कर दो तो…
💁 -“मैं तो रोज ऐसा ही खाना बनाती हूँ.”

➡खाने को गलत कहा तो…
💁 – “तुमको तो मेरी कदर ही नहीं”….

➡कोई काम करो तो…
💁 – “एक काम कभी ढंग से करते नहीं..”.

➡और न किया तो…
💁 – “तुम्हारे भरोसे रहे तो कोई काम नहीं होने वाला.”..

नुस्खा यह है कि…👇
1 )खुद का ध्यान रखें,
2) शांत रहने का प्रयास करें.
3) डरना नहीं,
4) ईश्वर आपके साथ है…

सभी विवाहित पुरुषों को प्रेषित😜

नोट: बीवी ने मैसेज पढ़ा तो इसके जिम्मेदार आप खुद।

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